It's kind of funny because I remember when I was nursing Harbor and hear about moms that were exclusively pumping I would think to myself, "There is no way I could do that! I hate pumping. I would be using formula." And now here I am.
Since the day Cove was born he never had a good latch. In the hospital I had a difficult time trying to get a good latch with him. He always tucked his bottom lip in and it was like he would chew instead of suck while nursing. It was very painful! I tried a nipple shield and it seemed to help him latch a bit better but he just kept pulling off and chewing. It just wasn't working. I tried and I tried and it always ended with both of us just feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I have to admit I felt defeated. I wanted to be able to nurse Cove SO bad. I was able to nurse my first child, but I won't be able to with my second?! I guess I just never even thought this would be an issue! We had the doctor check to see if he was tongue tied as well. I did a lot of reading about babies who are tongue tied and troubles with latches so I wanted to get him checked out, but no he isn't tongue tied.
So after about a week of trying to nurse, then pumping, and then feeding Cove a bottle I had to just come to terms I wasn't going to be able to nurse him. I started to exclusively pump. I was pumping for 30 minutes every 2-3 hours. It was a full time job! My milk supply came in strong too. I started pumping so much that I would end up just freezing all of my milk from the day because Cove still hadn't even touched the milk that was sitting in the fridge. I was pumping around 60-80 ounces per day.
When Cove was about 8 weeks old we started our summer traveling to visit family and to go to friend's weddings so I did A LOT of pumping on the go.
At the family cabin I was sitting on the deck with my nursing cover on pumping. I was needing to boil my pump parts to make sure they were fully sanitized at the cabin.
I did A LOT of pumping in the car. I was pumping in the passenger seat and rinsing my pump parts with bottled water. I would ask Sean to please not stop right next to a vehicle so they couldn't look over and see me.
The most challenging moment I had with pumping was when we flew down to Minnesota. We checked into our hotel room and MAYBE got 3 hours of sleep (not recommended with a newborn and toddler!) and then had to check in for our next flight at 4am. I REALLY needed to pump. I was in pain. I planned on pumping while waiting at the gate for our next flight, but we didn't have enough time! So I ended up pumping on the plane. I managed to hold Cove in one arm and to pump one boob with the other. It was NOT easy, but my boobs were like rocks and I had to pump! One of the flight attendance came by and said to me, "Now that's a good mom right there!" and winked at me. I needed to hear that cause in that moment I was so exhausted, in pain and was on the verge of tears.
While at the Minnesota State Fair I couldn't find an area exclusively for nursing mothers so I sat at a table in the beer garden, sipped on a beer and pumped. I didn't even care if I looked silly with my nursing cover over my double pump sticking out off of my boobs. I didn't want to be in pain the whole time at the fair.
When we would fly back from our trips I had to check in a cooler filled with frozen breastmilk. One time while checking in our bags a customer service agent said, "This whole bag is frozen breastmilk?" and I replied, "Yes." The look on her face was so surprised haha. Yes lady, that is 25 pounds of liquid gold! Please tag it correctly to my final destination!
During all of this time of pumping while traveling I really think it made it more difficult. To always make sure I had my pump charged, pump parts cleaned, milk storage bags on hand, the little cooler with a freezer pack inside of it and clean water to wash the parts with...
I just wanted to be done.
The other thing that makes pumping so difficult is have a crazy, busy, active toddler!! I have to strategize when I am going to pump to make sure Harbor is content and not going to get into anything. I usually try to pump when she is in her booster seat eating and Cove is content in the mamaroo. Otherwise, Harbor would most likely be getting into something she shouldn't, I chase after her, bend over, spill milk everywhere and then I just want to lose it!
Harbor also likes to snuggle while I pump for some reason which isn't very easy to do!
I debated non stop about being done pumping. One day I would feel good about it and tell myself, "No, I can do this. I want Cove to get my breastmilk. I'm not ready to stop." Other days I would be telling myself, "UGH I am so over pumping. I want to start weaning and just be done."
Why is it so hard for us mothers to be okay with the decision to be done breastfeeding? It's like we have a goal in mind of how long we will nurse for (I told myself 6 months) and if we don't meet that goal we have failed. It is hard to describe how torn I have been feeling about pumping and being done with it. Sean has reassured me that I have done such a good job with exclusively pumping and that I have so much frozen milk to use that it is okay to stop. And I agree with him.. but I also feel like Cove is only a baby for so long and that this is my duty as a mother to produce milk for him! It is a short chunk of my life to make the sacrifice of pumping. So this is why I end up going back and forth!
So here I am about 4.5 months postpartum and still pumping. I am down to pumping 3 times a day at least. We bought a deep freezer and it is STUFFED full of frozen breastmilk. I have been starting to use the frozen milk and then freezing the newly pumped milk. I recently feel like I have come to terms with being done, but now I just don't know how to stop! Every time I try to stop I end up with mastitis :( I just have to slowly but surely wean and eventually I will be done pumping. Until then, I will be pumpin away!
** Just yesterday I stumbled upon an article about a tongue tie vs lip tie and I wish I would have seen it sooner! I strongly believe Cove has a lip tie on his upper lip. I am making an appointment with our doctor and going to look further into it. I will post an update about it!
Here is the article if you're interested in reading it https://www.mommypotamus.com/a-step-by-step-guide-to-diagnosing-tongue-ties/
xo Ashley
