Meeting Our Harbor Amelia

I am finally taking/having the time to sit and write about Harbor's birth story.. this has been on my "to do" list for the past 7 weeks! Gosh I can't believe it's already been 7 weeks since she was born!

One of the last pictures I took of my big ole belly!

November 4th

5:30pm Sean had just left for work and I was having some pretty strong contractions. At this point it was almost hard for me to take contractions seriously, because I had gone through this before...contractions are 3 minutes apart, we would drive to the hospital, nurse would say I am at the beginning of labor, get sent home & told to come back once contractions are closer together, but my contractions would stop! Grr. It started to get so frustrating! So this time I didn't really take them seriously. I eventually found myself just pacing the house and realized they were hurting pretty bad so I called Sean and he came home from work. 

7:30pm We went to the hospital & sure enough the nurse said I was at the beginning of labor, 4cm dilated (I had been 3.5-4cm dilated for the past month) and to keep trying to make my contractions stronger. I found that squatting next to the hospital bed (like tree frog style) and resting my arms & head on the bed would make a REALLY strong contraction come every time. So I was squatting, bouncing on the ball, walking and just trying to make these contractions continue. I was admitted and in our room I continued to bring on the contractions for the next couple of hours, but when the nurse checked me to see how dilated I was I was still at 4cm. I once again just felt like it wasn't happening & I wasn't making any progress! I asked if I could just go home and sleep in my own bed so I was given a sleeping pill (to try and help me sleep through these contractions) and was sent home. One of the nurses told us to go ahead and leave our hospital bags in the room and that we would be back. I remember laughing and saying to Sean "She really thinks we're going to be back having this baby!" but in my mind I thought for sure the contractions were going to end soon. So we left our bags anyways.

November 5th

12:30am Once we got home we went back to bed and I had a hard time being able to fall back asleep. Eventually the sleeping pill must have kicked in and I slept. I woke about and hour & a half later in extreme pain. These contractions were hard to breathe through. I woke Sean up and he ran a bath for me. I tried to relax in the bath for awhile, but it got to the point that I knew I needed to get to the hospital. This was the first time that I felt certain I needed to go to the hospital! I remember also feeling like Sean wasn't moving fast enough! He was, but I was in so much pain I was like "let's GO!"  

3:30am When we arrived back at the hospital the nurses were excited to see us! We got back into our room & honestly this is when things start to get a little blurry for me! The nurse checked me and I was 9.5cm dilated. I dilated quickly since she was sitting so low. I was breathing in the entonox and trying different positions during the contractions.   

8:00am The doctor came in to break my water & I continued with strong contractions, but still had no urge to push. I was still trying a bunch of different positions during the contractions and I remember at one point while I was standing with my arms wrapped around Sean's neck the urge to push kicked in fast!

8:30am Again trying different positions to find what worked best for me while pushing.. laying, standing, sitting on the toilet, kneeling on the bed, squatting.. My nurse was so great. She was exactly the kind of nurse I needed. She was direct and told me what I needed to do. We finally found a position that worked for me which was laying on my back, the nurse held out a towel in front of me and told me to grab onto the towel and pull against her while pushing. Fewf.. man that was tough. Sean was absolutely amazing support! He was patting my head with a cold wash cloth, giving me juice and water and counting to 10 with every contraction while I pushed. He was so encouraging even at my weakest moments. Near the end of 4 hours of pushing I remember saying to Sean, "I feel so weak. I just don't know how much longer I can do this," and he told me how great I was doing and that we would be meeting our baby girl soon. Our nurse later told us how great of a team the two of us were. She said she doesn't get emotional during births very often anymore, but she couldn't help herself during this one. She also told Sean how awesome he was and that he could totally be a male doula! Haha! 

12:00pm The doctor came in to explain that the baby needed assistance at this point in order for her to come out. She was too big and pretty much stuck at this point. He explained he was going to use a vacuum device to help pull baby out while I pushed. (At this point I don't even think I fully listened to what he was saying because all I could think about was to just please get this baby out quickly & safely!) He did explain though that a flexible, rounded cup would be applied to baby's head, the cup was connected to a small handheld pump that creates a vacuum pressure to hold the cup securely to baby's head. The doctor also explained if the cup releases from baby's head it can only be reattached 2 more times and can only be connected to baby's head for a total of 30 minutes. If baby was unable to come out with the vacuum or within 30 minutes we would need to do an emergency c-section. I had to have a catheter to empty my bladder and an episiotomy to make more room for baby. Pushing with everything I had and thinking of being so close to being able to hold her made me get through it. 

12:34pm It came down to the last seconds and the nurse was literally counting down for the doctor, but thankfully our baby girl made her way into the world just in time! The first thing that was said when she came out by our nurse was, "She's NOT small!" haha! They laid her onto my chest and I was just filled with so much emotion and joy. She's here. This is our baby girl. Thank you God. To hear her sweet cry and see her precious face was all worth it. 

Harbor Amelia Murphy

9 pounds 6 ounces

What really amazed me was that just minutes after she came into the world she latched to feed and she knew exactly what to do. In that exact moment I fell in love with breastfeeding and loved that special moment together. I traced my finger along her little ear while she would feed and my heart felt so happy and proud. (I now trace her little ear with my finger every time she feeds and she likes it) 

I did end up with a 3rd degree tear and lots of stitches which was extremely painful. I will be honest, that was one of my biggest fears was to tear, but with such a big baby there really was no way around it! 

It was difficult because I was pretty much on bedrest after labor. I had to lay on my side in bed and turn side to side to feed, but getting out of bed and doing pretty much everything else was painful. I got emotional a few times because I wanted to be able to change her diaper, walk around with her and go comfort her like mom's are suppose to. I just wanted to heal and not be in pain anymore and be able to put all of my focus on Harbor. I had no idea the healing process would take so long. I am now starting to feel fully healed at 7 weeks. I would do it all over again if I had to though! I love my sweet Harbor Amelia so so much and feel so blessed to be her mommy.

xo Ashley

A Leap of Faith

Today marks exactly a year and a half since our wedding day! I felt like doing a post reminiscing back on our special day & everything it took to get to it!

A little flash back before the big day...

Sean and I met in Cancun, Mexico on vacation in March 2009. He was the first Canadian I had met &   we talked the night away on the beach about our different worlds. We instantly clicked. We only had 2 short days together in Mexico, but exchanged numbers and said we would keep in touch. Little did we know, that spring break trip was going to change our lives.

We went back to our daily lives and talked every single day with texting, Skyping, talking on the phone and through Facebook. I remember sometimes feeling like I didn't understand WHY exactly I felt SO drawn to someone that I barely knew... He lives in Canada for crying out loud! We had something special though and I couldn't let that go. (Funny fact, when we met I was currently living in a city called Little Canada in Minnesota. A little foreshadowing?)

First trip to Canada (I look so young!)

Before dropping me off at the airport from my first trip up to visit Sean

We did long distance for a year and a half, had a few trips to visit each other & finally had the discussion about what exactly we were going to do if we continued our relationship. I'll be honest, I never thought about moving to Canada. Ever. But I was 19, young and didn't exactly know what or where I wanted to go in life. Sean was starting his career, more settled where he was living at the time and I guess it just seemed right. I'll never forget telling my mom that I was going to start looking into moving to Canada. The look on her face and the long pause. She wasn't exactly happy. I mean what mom would be happy to hear that her 19 year old daughter is moving to a different country to be with a guy that she barely knew?? My mom told me something really interesting though. Her mom, so my grandma, actually loved Canada. One of her favorite places in the world was Vancouver. (My grandma passed away when I was 1 years old so I never got to know her.) My mom also told me that in my grandma's casket there were maple leaves printed all over. I remember it gave me goosebumps.  I believe hearing my mom talk about my grandma and her connection with Canada helped make my decision. Even till this day I know my grandma is the reason I met Sean and guided me to make the big, difficult & unsure move to Canada to be with him. 

Sean's first trip to Minnesota

Seems like so long ago..

Flying back to Canada for another trip

Moving to Canada wasn't easy. It was a complete leap of faith. I left my family, friends and everything I knew to come to a small town in northern British Columbia. Besides going through frequent lonely and homesick moments I was going through a lot of stress with applying for Canadian residency. (This is a whole other subject/post I could write about! Uh.) There were many moments of feeling like everything was against us being together. 

So after 2.5 years of living in Canada as a visitor so I could live with Sean, working on a work permit, filling out endless paper work, collecting every photo that we had together for proof & asking friends and family to sign a form starting they were aware of our relationship... I FINALLY received my Canadian residency! I'll be honest and say that wasn't an easy time for our relationship. We had to stay strong & stay focused on WHY we were going through everything. To be together. I think some couples wouldn't have been able to make it. It was a very long, draining, made you question yourself and stressful process! But we did it and I really believe it made us closer. To receive my residency made me feel like for the FIRST time I could breathe & know that I can stay in Canada and be with Sean. Everything we had worked for was worth it!

My approved application!!

After I walked across the border into Canada and received my Canadian residency! I can't even explain in words how I felt on this day. 

May 1st, 2014

Our wedding day of course was a special day and meant the world to me, but I felt it symbolized more than becoming man & wife. For me it also felt like a celebration day of "we did it". After some days of feeling like everything was against our relationship & us being together this was the day all of that went away. We had been through quite a rollercoaster ride and now here we are standing back in Mexico on the beach exchanging vows. 

For my "something blue" I had a piece of material from my grandma's dress that she wore to my mom's wedding sown into my dress

 

To have our family and friends together for the first time was amazing! With everyone living so far away from each other we knew this wasn't going to happen very often, so we definitely appreciated it and took in the special moment!

 It was the best day of my life so far... soon with the birth of our baby girl I know I will be experiencing an even MORE best day of my life! I couldn't be happier and feel more blessed to be married to my best friend every single day. 

You just never know where life will take you.

xo Ashley

Preterm Labor Journey

I did a lot of updating along the way during our journey the last month on my Facebook page to keep friends and family in the loop, but I still wanted to do a blogpost to maybe write from a different perspective and thoughts after it all. So before all of this happened Sean and I had a very busy summer and for the month of August we pretty much lived out of our suitcases. Once we were back in Fort St John from traveling we were so anxious and excited to move into our new house, unpack, get settled in and get ready for the arrival of our baby girl! The day we moved into the new house we felt so relieved. We were in the new house for 3 days before heading to the hospital. We literally had JUST hung our clothes in the closet, put the nursery furniture together & started to unpack the essentials. Little did we know we would be living out of our suitcases again!

September 19th (33 weeks + 4 days) 

I woke up in the early morning with pain in my upper stomach so we went to the hospital to get it checked out. It started out as a pain between my upper ribs and eventually got stronger to the point it was taking my breath away. I almost thought maybe it was baby girl's foot kicking my ribs, but the pain was consistent and didn't let up so I woke Sean up. Once we arrived to the hospital to our surprise we were informed that I was in preterm labor. I was having consistent contractions and 1.5cm dilated. Everything seemed to happen so fast with the nurses explaining everything to us, examining me, telling me all the names of the meds I was about to be given.. I felt like in a daze almost because I couldn't believe it was all happening. Here I thought I was just going to be told it was just a foot in my rib and be sent home, not be told I was in labor. I'm not very good with needles (I never have been) and man oh man when the nurse said the words "shot & in the hip" it really overwhelmed me and I almost felt like I started to panic. Thank goodness my husband was there holding my hand and talking to me during the shots. I remember being told before that I was going to have to get over the fear of needles once I get pregnant and I am trying very hard haha Just keep telling myself I am doing it all for her! After I was given the meds and fluids to stop the labor it seemed to be working. We had to stay over night to be monitored & make sure I wasn't continuing with labor. 

Over the weekend we stayed busy watching tv, playing card games, took my time showering and doing my make up and tried to sleep when we could. Sean would show me Lilly through the hospital window and I would sneak into the waiting area at night to see her. He also ran out lots to grab us food so I didn't have to eat hospital food thank goodness :)

I won by the way! I think that's twice I've beat him now!

I love that dog way too much.

A little make up always makes you feel better!

September 20th (33 weeks + 5 days) 

I was still having contractions and had multiple tests done to see where my cervix was at and the thickness measured less than what the doctor would have liked to see (2cm) as well as tested positive for a hormone that shows high possibility for early labor. Two things I was really hoping to hear better news back on from the doctor. We were told we would have to be flown to Prince George to be at a hospital with an NICU (Fort St John does not have the staff & level of care for premature babies) and stay in the hospital there. Honestly that was pretty tough to hear. I knew that we had to because it was best for the baby, but I felt in that moment as though I had no control and was just being told what I had to do. I didn't want to go to Prince George, I don't know Prince George, we have no family there and I didn't want to deliver my baby there! I don't want to sound selfish and again I wanted to do whatever was best for our baby BUT it made me feel pretty upset and took a bit to sink in. The doctor did explain to us that IF baby girl did not come while we were in Prince George in the next 2 weeks and I reach 36 weeks then we would could come back to Fort St John and be able to give birth to her here. So that was a positive thing. Again, I think it all was just happening so fast I couldn't wrap my mind around it all. Plus, on top of all this my sister had a flight booked for the next day to fly into Fort St John to come visit us! I felt pretty disappointed that now my sister wouldn't be able to come to FSJ, see our new house and help me set up the nursery. That really meant a lot to me. We switched her flight for her to fly into Prince George the next day instead. At least I was still able to see her and she could still come up and be with me! 

September 21st (33 weeks + 6 days)

Baby girl and I were flown to Prince George in a medical transport aircraft. I had to take an ambulance from the FSJ hospital to the airport, fly to Prince George and then take another ambulance to the Prince George hospital. I felt pretty overwhelmed and a bit sad to be honest. Sean was not able to fly with me so I was kind of scared to be without him while he drove the 5 hour drive to Prince George. The paramedics were very nice and talked to me during the whole trip. The flight was a short 45min flight and I must say that was the first flight I have ever been able to lay down on! I was having contractions 9 minutes apart during the whole trip and was starting to feel a little nervous about the fact of maybe going into full labor and Sean not being with me!

Once I arrived at the hospital I was hooked up to the monitor, had a few tests done and tried to relax until Sean arrived. Sean made it just in time to come to my ultrasound with me and that made me feel very relieved! As soon as I saw his face and he hugged me I lost it. I just felt so happy he was with me and that he made it. Baby girl was doing just fine. All of her measurements were showing her to measure closer to 35 weeks & 3 days. Which is great! She weighed approximately 5lbs 14 ounces. It was great to see her moving around in there and sucking on her little thumb! The doctor wanted to keep me hooked up to the monitor to keep an eye on her heartbeat (it had been a bit high) and my contractions. I'm still having contractions, but they are all over the place. We are just waiting to hear the more in depth results from the ultrasound. At this point the doctor said they won't be trying to stop me from going into labor, but hopefully baby girl will stay in there!

After all the tests were done and Sean and I could just relax all I could do was count down the minutes until my sister landed in Prince George!! Her trip definitely turned into a different kind of trip, but I am SO happy she was going to be here with me! Of course once she walked into the hospital room I hugged her and started crying. (yes, I was very emotional that day. I felt drained.) I couldn't believe she was in Prince George with Sean and I. To have my sister there for the support meant more than I could say.

September 22nd (34 weeks)

Hubby's 31st birthday! I'm sure it didn't feel like much of a birthday hanging out in a hospital, but I was glad my sister was there to go run some errands with him and go out for lunch while I took a nap! 

Sean's brother Pat & his fiancé had sent us a beautiful flower arrangement with a card to me & a happy birthday card to Sean! That was such a nice little surprise!

That night I was given a "pass" to be off bed rest and leave the hospital so we went out for some birthday dessert & was glad Sean could grab a beer!  

Yay off bed rest! Get me out of this room!

September 23rd (34 weeks + 1 day)

The doctor came to talk to us about the results from our ultrasound. She said the ultrasound showed a back up of urine in her left kidney and that I would be having another ultrasound done with a specialist the next day. I felt really nervous. No mother wants to hear the word "abnormal" from the doctor. She made it seem like it was not a huge emergency, explaining it's not like the baby needed to come out right away, but it did need to be looked at further. I was able to get another "pass" that night so we went out for dinner. Whenever we left the hospital I almost felt like I had a curfew and kept looking at the time to make sure I wasn't going back too late! haha

I took this picture just outside of the hospital for my 34 week belly picture. We thought it was pretty neat to see a rainbow that evening!

September 24th (34 weeks + 2 days)

We had our ultrasound with the specialist and it's always nice to see baby girl on the screen! The specialist said that baby girl had a "big belly" and "luscious lips" haha She was measuring around 6.5 pounds! He wasn't concerned about her hear rate which was great, but he did see the urine build up and explained that we would need to go to Children's Hospital in Vancouver for another ultrasound. I got a bit emotional at the end of the ultrasound because I just didn't want to think about something being wrong with her or her needing surgery to correct anything. I just all in all felt worried.

Just having some lunch!

September 25th (34 weeks + 3 days)

I was discharged from the Prince George hospital! The doctor said she was working on making an appointment for an ultrasound in Vancouver and that in the mean time we can head to Vancouver! She examined me before we left and I was dilated to 2.5cm and still having my off and on contractions. So my sister and I flew to Vancouver and Sean drove so that way we had our car. We weren't sure how long we would be in Vancouver for. I think the drive was about 7 hours for Sean.. poor guy was doing so much driving. Once we were all in Vancouver I felt like I could relax a bit and I was SO happy to be able to show my sister this beautiful city! We were very fortunate to be able to stay with Sean's uncle who lived very close to the hospital.  

Sean dropping us off at the Prince George airport

September 26th & 27th

Over the weekend we showed my sister the city. I was still told to be taking it easy and not do too much walking, but I was feeling okay. We took a lot of breaks and I knew if I needed to stop walking if contractions kicked in. We drove a lot as well to different beaches and areas. The weather was so nice that weekend! I even heard my sister say "Ok, I could live here." (YES! Please move to Canada haha!) We went to Granville Island, English Bay, False Creek, downtown Vancouver and a few other places. Over the weekend we were still waiting to hear from the doctor and I was having my irregular contractions.

Granville Island

Out for lunch... Lilly loves her aunt Did!

She's such a beach dog!

Okay my belly seriously grew so much between 34-36 weeks!! Baby girl did a lot of growing!

September 28th (34 weeks + 6 days)

Bringing my sister to the airport was hard. I seriously don't think it ever gets easier. Plus, this time she was going to take Lilly to Minnesota with her and I was so sad to be saying goodbye to my fur baby! We just didn't know how long we would be in Vancouver for and with everything up in the air we thought it would be best for her to go on a little vacay to Minnesota with my sister and see my mom. Just thinking how the next time I would see the both of them again would be after baby girl is born had me filled with a bunch of different emotions. My mom called me right as we were leaving the airport and that helped talking to her. Mommy's always make you feel better :)

September 29th (35 weeks)

We had our ultrasound at the BC Women's Hospital. Baby girl of course was moving around like crazy during it! I swear whenever there is an object touching my belly she likes to push back at it. Her head is so far down there the ultrasound tech had a difficult time getting measurements of her head. Definitely going to have a little cone head when she is born! After the ultrasound we went to the fetal medicine and met with a couple doctors to go over the results. LONG story short the doctors explained they had a team look over the results and they did not see evidence to believe baby girl is in immediate need of any sort to fix the backed up urine and they think it may be something that goes away once she is born. They said there is a 12% chance (not sure exactly how they came up with the 12%) something may need to be done to correct it, but we will not know until after she is born and we see how she is peeing. They requested to have an ultrasound done on baby girl when she is 1 week old and we will go from there. Plus, they were not concerned with her hear rate! Thank goodness. We were also told that once I reach 36 weeks we could head back to Fort St John!

Sean and I felt so relieved to hear this news! I felt so thankful with the results. Yes, there is a part of me that is still worried of course, but I don't want to think the worst. Also being told that we could head back to Fort St John and not have to stay in Vancouver to deliver was a huge relief! We felt as though finally all of our questions had been answered and now we knew what the plan was. 

September 30th - October 6th (36 weeks)

Well for the rest of the week in Vancouver we tried to enjoy ourselves and did the rest of our shopping that needed to be done before baby girl arrived! We sold our car, bought a new SUV (we had been wanting to do this for awhile now so it worked out perfect), bought some new furniture for the new house, saw some family members from the Murphy side and then we drove back to Fort St John as soon as I hit 36 weeks! 

The beaches are so pretty in Vancouver.. Really miss the smell of the ocean and seeing palm trees!

Love this Cactus Club in English bay that's right on the beach

Of course we had to satisfy our craving for Mexican! Tacofino is SO good.

We are pretty excited about the new car! We love it! 

So we maaaay have bought so much stuff that we needed to rent a little u-haul trailer to get it all back to FSJ! 

On the road back to our home, hands out the sunroof on a beautiful day and feeling so thankful!

Overall the whole journey turned out to be good in the end and for that we are so thankful. Yes, it was stressful and something I wish we wouldn't have had to go through, but I really believe that everything happens for a reason. This whole experience taught me a lot. Everything from having to let go and not have everything go as planned, being strong for my daughter, to be patient and to be grateful to be able to come back to Fort St John and be "home". No FSJ does not feel like home to me, but for the first time ever I wanted to get BACK to FSJ. I wanted to be back in our house, get the nursery ready, sleep in our bed and to deliver her in a city that Sean and I have made memories and built a life together in. It's our home for now and we get to start our own little family here. I am happy to have her be born here and to give her this place to call home.

xo Ashley

Mini Babymoon

I have been wanting to do some posts for awhile and now just finally have the time to! The 

last month has been pretty hectic. I am going to reminisce back to our mini baby moon we 

went on back in the beginning of September. We decided to do one last trip just the two of 

us before we moved into our new house and before everything got crazy busy!

 We took an early flight to Vancouver and took the skytrain downtown to our hotel. The 

skytrain is so convenient to be able to catch it right from the airport and take you to so many 

different locations! 

Sean booked us an amazing room at the Fairmont Pacific Rim and wow was it a beautiful hotel! 

Our room had a whole wall of huge windows looking over downtown, a comfy king bed and 

a stunning bathroom! I could have lived in this bathroom. From the bathroom we had a 

pretty view of Coal Harbor and the ocean.

Sean had booked a prenatal massage for me and it was honestly one of the best massages 

I have ever had. I was in preggo heaven! To lay on my belly with a belly cutout pillow and

 have my sore back rubbed hard was amazing.

After the massage I felt so relaxed and just so grateful to have had such a lovely massage. 

We hung out and relaxed in the spa area that was a rooftop lounge with comfy beds, a rock 

fire place and 2 hot tubs. We laid on the comfy beds, nibbled on snacks and just soaked in 

the sun. The weather was wonderful while we were in Vancouver! Hot & sunny!

We relaxed quite a bit in our huge tub in the room and enjoyed the view while Sean sipped 

on champagne and I enjoyed my sparkling water :) We walked around downtown, lounged 

by the pool, enjoyed the spa lounge more, had naps before going

 out for dinner, walked to the Cactus Club and Tap & Barrel for dinner (we can't go to 

Vancouver and NOT go to Cactus Club! We love that place) and just took our time

 enjoying it all. Oh and we took the skytrain to the mall to do a little shopping and purchase

 things from Babies R Us that were on our list!

This trip was a mini babymoon I will never forget. It was the most relaxed I had felt in a 

really long time! From packing up our house, selling our house, buying baby stuff and 

traveling to see our families it was just really nice to spend some time just the two of us and 

do nothing but relax. I am so grateful to be able to go on these nice trips with my husband. I 

love him so much. We really enjoy our time spent together, but oh man are we excited to 

add our baby girl into our lives!

xo Ashley