Traveling with a Baby

I am no expert by any means, but in the last 9 months we have sure done a lot of traveling with our little miss (26 flights and some road trips) so I thought I would share some tips and products that I found helpful while flying!

Harbor's first flight!

1. Give yourself plenty of time to pack and get to the airport. I am such a last minute person sometimes and it definitely helps to go to bed the night before knowing everything is packed and ready to go! I lay out what I am going to wear for the flight, Harbor's outfit, have our bags packed and have the diaper bag packed the night before. Of course, make sure to get to the airport with plenty of time to check in for your flight. Traveling with a baby you have a lot more baggage and baby equipment to check.

Let the packing begin!

I can't even handle that face!! :)

2. Always pack extra in your diaper bag! We ended up having one of our flights delayed and ran out of diapers! Not good. In my diaper bag I always pack an extra outfit for Harbor, burp cloth, lots of diapers and wipes, diaper cream, a little plastic bag (just in case she has a blow out and we can seal it up), hand sanitizer and nursing cover. I also pack a couple snacks, but nothing too messy. I usually bring some puffs and rice crackers for her to chew on. I also pack her Sophie giraffe and a baby doll. No toys that are really small because chances are she is going to drop them on the plane and I want to be able to find them! I always pack a large ziplock baggie filled with the things I will need DURING the flight for Harbor (snacks, pacifier, toys) so that way it is easier to have them all in one place & to be able to pull them out easily! One of my favorite products to bring on the plane for Harbor is the Glitter & Spice Silicone Teething Necklace. It is a silicone teething necklace that I wear around my neck. Harbor sits on my lap during our flight and will sit and chew on it. It's great!

You can shop their adorable pieces at www.glitterandspice.ca

3. A great traveling stroller is a must! It makes such a difference. We have our Bugaboo Donkey for our everyday stroller, but I am SO glad we purchased the Recaro Easylife Ultra-Lightweight Stroller for our traveling stroller! It only weighs 13lbs, has a multi position reclining seat, folds small enough to fit into the overhead compartment and can be folded up/assembled with just one hand. It is so great to be able to hold Harbor with one arm and use the other to pop open the stroller.

We purchased ours from www.toysrus.ca

4. Find your gate. Go to the nearest restroom and change babe into a fresh diaper. Pre board! Take this time to pre board, get to your seat and pull out everything you need for the flight. I always pull out my nursing cover and the ziplock bag that I pre-pack before the flight with Harbor's goodies in it and put them in the seatback in front of me.

5. While at the gate you can talk to the customer service agent and kindly ask, if possible to move you to a seat where there is no one sitting in the middle seat. It's not always a guarantee they will be able to do so, but it doesn't hurt to ask! Having the extra room between you and another guest can really make a difference. 

6. It might not work for every mom & baby, but I always nurse Harbor for take off and landing. It helps her ears to be sucking and it comforts her so that is what we have always done. If you're not nursing have a bottle ready to feed or a pacifier to help them suck. 9 out of 10 times Harbor falls asleep and then sleeps most of the flight!

7. Last, but not least book your flights with WestJet when possible! ;) They are the best airline to travel with and are so helpful to parents traveling with little ones!

PS. They have a two day seat sale going on now!
www.westjet.com

Safe travels!

xoxo

Ashley

The Good. The Bad & the Ugly.

My baby doll is going to be 7 months old soon...

and in the last 7 months (even before that while I was pregnant) I have learned so much.

7 things I learned while pregnant:

1. You can't plan when you'll get pregnant. Only God can.

2. The constant worrying about baby has just begun.

3. Pregnancy is just a beautiful thing. It really is.. minus the rapid hair growth, body aches, bodily fluids, poop issues, constant peeing, swelling, stretch marks and break outs. :) 

4. Random people are nicer to you. They hold the door open for you, offer you their seat and pick things up for you. It's like people see your belly and just can't help but smile. I'm not sure if they're smiling because they know you're carrying a sweet baby or because they know what you are in for.

5. One of the most amazing feelings in the world is feeling baby move or kick inside of you. As long as they're not kicking you in the ribs.

6. Your vagina is no longer a private part anymore. Doctors and nurses are looking and poking so often down there it is now just a regular ole vagina.

7. While being pregnant you don't have to hold in your tummy. You can just let it it all hang out. I've never loved being in a bikini so much until I was pregnant.

7 things I learned from labor:

1. When your body fully goes into labor and it is time, you'll know.

2. You can't plan how it will go. I still believe not having a "birth plan" is best. You just have to go with the flow and see how labor goes. You might want meds, you might not. You might end up needing a c-section, you might not. Whatever it takes to get baby out as safely and quickly as possible!

3. I remember kinda stressing about what I will look like when I go into labor. I wanted to be showered, make up on and hair done. Once you're in labor the last thing on your mind is if you feel clean or what you look like.

4. Another thing I stressed about was pooping during labor. Gosh I DO NOT want to poop on the table during labor! You know what.. I could fricken care less if I ended up pooping during labor! 

5. There is no honest way to describe what the pain feels like, BUT I got through it, I felt proud of myself and it was totally worth it.

6. My husband is amazing. I honestly had the best support from him during labor. I knew I married a wonderful man and that we have always supported each other, but this experience showed me a whole new level of support from him.

7. It truly is a miracle.

7 things I learned as a new mom so far:

1. Sleep, eat & poop. These are the 3 main things about a newborn. They sleep, but not at night. They eat all the time, but you'll worry if they're eating enough. They poop a lot and apparently gas is a big issue with babies. Who knew. 

2. You learn to function in "zombi mode". It is a whole new category of tiredness. It does get better though and you will be a functioning human again soon.

3. Breastfeeding is a full time job. I just didn't know how time consuming it was and how much work it is, but I love it. I fell in love with it from the first time I nursed Harbor in the hospital. I know there are a lot of women who are not able to breastfeed and I feel very fortunate to be able to. That being said though, I do believe "fed is best" not necassarily "breast is best."

4. It's all about balance. I admit I had a difficult time with this the first few months. I felt like I spent so much time sitting nursing that I couldn't get anything else done! I started to stress about the laundry, the dishes in the sink, need to write thank you cards, getting the house cleaned... but all of that didn't matter. It could wait. I needed to just let myself relax and enjoy the time of sitting to breastfeed and enjoy all the snuggles.

5. Your relationship with your spouse will be different. It's not a bad thing, but it will be different. It's always been just the two of you, but now it's the 3 of you. As new parents we now needed to find the balance and new routine to make it day by day. I think it takes time for every couple to get into the swing of things of how to take care of the baby, give each other some "me" time and also to have some time as a couple. Your relationship is now learning how to adapt to this huge new chapter in life. Oh yes, there will be times where you don't see eye to eye and want to strangle each other, but you have to work as a team.

6. Being a mom is a very selfless job. Yes, I knew this before I became a mom (my mom was a huge example of being selfless for me and my sister our whole lives), but until I became pregnant that is when I truly realized it. You'd do and give up anything for your baby. It starts with your body, sleep, showers and a social life haha.

7. I love being a mom. I feel so blessed to be a mom. It is the hardest job in the world, but the best job. I saw this quote and truly connected with it;

"I didn't lose myself when I became a mother. I found myself."

xoxo Ashley 

Harbor's Nursery

When I started thinking of how I wanted to decorate the nursery I thought whimsical, fresh and elegant. Of course it needed some pink (duh), but I didn't want to do a ton of pink.. mainly white with touches of pink and gold. 

The crib wall is definitely the eye catching wall and I am pretty happy with how it turned out. I feel like the wall has a splash of fun with the polkadot decals and tassel garland, but a touch of elegance with the vintage frame and sequin "H" letter.

The first thing we purchased for the nursery was the furniture and geeze it was a tough decision! I knew I wanted it to be white, but there sure are a lot of options out there. I am pleased with this crib and furniture set. I love the clean white color and the sleek square edges. 

On the small wall next to the crib we have the changing table. I changed the knobs to crystal, clear knobs and love the elegant touch they give! 

I replaced the light fixture to a crystal, mini chandelier. It's nothing too fancy, but it really makes a statement in the nursery. 

By the window is the rocking chair, nightstand and book shelf. I was hoping to give this area a calm, relaxing feel knowing we would be spending a lot of time here with baby girl.

I wasn't sure for the longest time how I wanted to display the books in the nursery. I saw this adorable doll house shelving piece one day while browsing in Pottery Barn Kids and as soon as I saw it I knew it would work perfectly for a book shelf!

Harbor's dresser is along the wall across from her crib with a picture collage with a variety of frames. I changed the knobs on the dresser as well. I bought the pineapple gold foil print during my pregnancy and knew I wanted to hang it in her room since she's my little pineapple :)  The XOXO gold foil print I found through Instagram and fell in love with it.

And last, but not least is the little shadow box on her wall of a Canadian and American flag. These flags were actually our wedding cake toppers! It makes me happy we were able to use them for something special and to get to see an American flag everyday!

I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse inside Harbor's nursery!

xoxo Ashley

PS. Follow me on Instagram for tags of where I purchased items in the nursery! @ashleykaemurphy

Moms Know Best

Let me just start out with saying I can't believe my baby girl is going to be 5 months old soon! I know everyone tells you how much time flies when you have a baby, but seriously I feel like I don't have a little baby anymore! I couldn't be more in love with our sweet Harbor. She has shown me a kind of love that I never even knew existed. Obviously with her being my first child I am learning everything as I go. Being a new mom is filled with a lot of excitement, nervousness, anxiousness, sad tears, happy tears, smiles, tiredness, lack of control and self-doubt. Oh the amount of self-doubt and second guessing you do as a new mom...

My last photo taken while pregnant! I went into labor the next night.

Today there are so many opinions out there it is hard to not take into account everyone's views. As a new mom I have found myself googling questions ever since the very beginning when I found out I was pregnant! (Google can be good, but gosh sometimes it's just best not to Google it!) You can read a hundred different answers for something and find yourself overwhelmed and confused! Besides peoples opinions it is also hard not to compare your baby to other babies. You hear a baby the same age as yours is able to hold her head up already or another baby is rolling over, but your baby hasn't rolled over yet. Well how come my baby isn't doing that yet? Is something wrong with my baby? Am I not doing something right as a mom? Self-doubt and second guessing kicks in. It is all very new to us first time moms so it is no surprise that we may lack confidence right away, but man oh man sometimes it is really hard to trust your gut and remind yourself that you are doing a great job! You have to sometimes ignore what you read or hear and just remember you're the mommy and you know best.

Ever since we left the hospital Harbor's weight has been a concern. She was born a chunky baby, but she isn't anymore. We have had many doctor appointments to keep an eye on her weight and to make sure she is gaining. One week the doctor is happy with her weight gain, but the next she is concerned again. I felt like all I did (and still do) is sit and feed her! Where the heck is all of the milk going?! The week I had mastitis back in February Harbor lost a pound. I felt awful. We had been trying to make her gain weight not lose it! We made another doctor appointment and I was dreading it. The doctor recommended starting Harbor on formula as well as breastfeeding. I felt like a failure. It's hard to explain unless you have breastfed before, but when all I do is feed my baby, but it still isn't good enough it made me feel like I didn't do my job correctly. And that was hard to hear. I obviously want to do what's best for my baby so of course I was okay with starting her on formula, but again as a mom it made me have a lot of self-doubt.

So still our days are filled with feeding, feeding and more feeding. Breastfeeding and then bottle feeding. Harbor started to throw up quite a bit so I have been trying to do smaller feeds more frequently throughout the day to see if that helps her not throw up as much. So far it does seem to be helping. It can be hard sometimes when I hear what other babies weigh that are the same age as her and to not compare. You read what the average weight is for a baby her age, but she's smaller. I have to remind myself that she is happy and healthy and all babies are different. She is a pretty tall baby (27 inches) so I can't help, but think it is just her body type. Little string bean. I don't want to feel nervous every time we go to the doctors and place her on the scale, holding my breath to see what number pops up on the screen.

After this past month I feel like I have finally gotten to the place of not just looking at the numbers, but overall looking at how healthy and happy my baby girl is! I know she is fed lots, I know she is happy and I know starting her on formula was best for her. So whether it be breastmilk, formula or both, my baby girl is being fed and slowly, but surely gaining weight. That reassures me I am doing the right thing.

Another thing that is hard for me to believe is that our fur baby, Lilly has been gone for 2 months now. She was my first baby and there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her. Speaking about trusting your decisions as a mommy... The decision to put Lilly down was by far the hardest decision my husband and I have ever had to make. Lilly was diagnosed with IMHA and declined very quickly. She received 3 blood transfusions, was on a lot of medications and nothing was helping her poor little body. Over the last 2 weeks of her life we were at the vet clinic everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day. After Lilly received her 3rd blood transfusion her red blood cell count was dropping again and the vet told us she would need another blood transfusion. This was the first time in our vet's voice I could hear she didn't feel confident in doing another transfusion. Each blood transfusion was only getting Lilly by another day. Lilly was so weak and lethargic. She was now starting to not eat and I had to hand feed her little pieces. It was just breaking my heart.


The first time meeting my sweet Lilly!

I will never forget standing in the vet's office feeling so defeated. Sean and I both knew what the vet was saying. She just couldn't say the exact words. We felt as though Lilly's body stopped fighting and now it was time for us to stop fighting as well. Knowing that we did everything possible. I just couldn't even wrap my mind around the fact that this was happening. When we were told Lilly was sick I just automatically thought she would get better.



On our way home from the vet we enjoyed our last car ride with Lilly. She loved car rides. We went through the McDonald's drive thru and got her a burger, fries and ice cream. (She licked the ice cream a little, but that was it) While we were sitting at home with her we gave her some wine too. She loved wine just like her mommy. I remember I couldn't stop glancing at the clock. The vet was coming to our house at 9pm so Lilly could pass peacefully in our home with us. I felt numb. I felt defeated, angry, sad, devastated, scared and so unsure if we were making the right decision. I was bawling when the vet got to our house and the first thing I even said to her was, "Are we making the right decision?" She reassured us that we were and you could just tell by the sound of her voice that she 100% knew that this was best for Lilly.

It was the hardest night of my life thus far... If only love would have been enough to save her, she would still be with us today. She was so much more than just a dog. She had been with Sean and me through so many memories and even through some difficult times. Not having family or many friends while living in Canada she was my best friend. She was taken way too soon. I have to remind myself that Lilly is no longer in pain and is running free in Heaven. She taught me so much and I am so grateful to have had her as my fur baby.



As I gained my first child, I lost my first fur baby. My heart was filled, yet so broken at the same time. Both of my babies have taught me so much and I have to always remind myself to stay confident in my decisions. After all, moms know best.. right?



RIP
Lilly Diva Murphy

xoxo

Ashley

Tough Week as a Mommy

This past week was one of the hardest weeks as a mommy to my baby girl and my fur baby! Last Saturday I wasn't feeling very well. My body felt achy and just tired. I noticed a couple blisters on one of my nipples and also noticed a hard lump in my right boob that wouldn't go away even after a feeding. It was SO painful to feed on my right boob. I was trying to continue to feed on the right side and I even pumped for a half hour after each feed, but this hard lump would not go away! I read a lot online about clogged milk ducts and mastitis and I really was starting to think something was going on. I soaked in a hot bath, did hot compresses, fed, pumped while on all fours (I read gravity can help) and nothing seemed to be working. I felt so achy and sick later that evening and my boob was so swollen and heavy.

Mastitis is an inflammation in your breast tissues. The inflammation may quickly become an infection, which means that bacteria grow in the inflamed tissues.

 Once I took my temperature and realized I had a fever I wanted to go see a doctor. Being a Saturday in a small town the only option was to go to the ER. Luckily, we didn't have to wait too long to see a doctor in the ER, but once we did I felt like he took a whole 2 seconds to examine and speak with me! "Feed more on that breast. The milk needs to come out," is what I was told. GEE THANKS. I am aware of that already! I felt so frustrated. We came home and I just got worse. I took some NyQuil and slept in the guest bedroom while Sean took care of Harbor and bottle fed her. I could barely sleep. I was so achy, sweating, had a massive headache and felt nauseous. Sunday this all continued and my right boob was worse. SO swollen and painful. Reading up all of the symptoms for mastitis online I just knew I had it. Of course being a new mom you question yourself though. To make things worse we had a flight the next day to Calgary. We had our interviews booked for Nexus (a program you can apply for to quickly get through customs while traveling) and we didn't want to miss our appointments so I was really hoping I'd feel better the next day! So Sunday was another NyQuil night and sleeping in the guest room while feeling like death. 

Thank goodness Monday morning I felt a TINY bit better and was able to push myself onto our flight. Sean was a trooper. He pretty much packed for himself, my stuff, Harbor's stuff (a lot of baby items!) and Lilly's stuff needed for the trip and got all of our butt's on the flight! It was Harbor's first flight and I was a bit nervous how she would do. I still had a temperature of 102.5 and in a lot of pain though so I didn't get to enjoy her first flight as much as I would have liked to! Even holding Harbor was painful. I couldn't hold her against my chest and the pain was getting so bad I could barely lift my right arm up! Thank goodness her daddy kept her entertained and snuggled up during the flight! Harbor did so well! She was a smiling baby at the beginning of the flight and then slept the whole time.

Thank you WestJet for a great flight!

Later that afternoon I made an appointment online to speak with a doctor because I was not feeling any better and my right boob was going to explode! It was still tender, swollen, red in the area of the lump, KILLED to feed from and the lump was getting bigger. Right away the doctor said I had mastitis. She prescribed me medication and 2 creams. She also wanted me to book an urgent ultrasound to make sure there wasn't an abscess in there. I felt relieved and couldn't wait for the meds to kick in. We did our interviews and then were able to see some family which was nice. I really had wished I wasn't in so much pain while seeing family, but I tried to push through it. We did end up having to cut our trip one day short though because I needed to get back home for an ultrasound.

Harbor sure was a happy girl meeting her Uncle Pat, Aunt Danielle & cousin Fynn!

Snuggling with Uncle Ian

Busy daddys!

I had read online that cabbage leaves help the swelling of mastitis so I gave it a shot. I swear it helped! Put the cabbage in the fridge, place a few leaves inside of your bra (the coldness feels good) and it really made my swelling go down! FYI don't put the cabbage in the freezer. I put frozen cabbage leaves inside my bra the day we left Calgary and the leaves melted all over my bra and tank top! We were sitting on the plane and Sean goes, "Do you smell that? What is that smell?" and I died laughing and said, "Does it smell like cabbage?" and he replied, "YEAH!" haha! I had taken the cabbage leaves out before the flight too, but I still smelt like it! (I will never look at cabbage the same again!)

After a couple days of taking the medication my fever finally broke, the body aches went away and my right boob wasn't as painful. I am still waiting to go in and see the results from my ultrasound, but since the lump has gone down I really think the mastitis is improving! My main reason of wanting to write a post about this was really because maybe another new mommy out there is questioning if she has mastitis and really just needs to be reminded to trust yourself! YOU know your body and you have to go with your gut! Mastitis is awful and I hope to not have to go through it again nor would I wish it upon any mom!

The other awful part of my week was worrying about my poor fur baby. Lilly had started to not seem like herself while we were in Calgary. She was very lethargic, not really eating and we just knew something wasn't right. Once we got back home we were hoping she would improve, but she got worse. She still wasn't eating or drinking and barely walking. When she did walk she was very slow and even falling over. We called the vet and they said to bring her in right away. So long story short Lilly has Immune-Mediated Hemolytic Anemia. She had her update on shots 4 weeks ago and the shots pretty much made her immune system go into over drive and destroy its own red blood cells. Her blood work was not good & the vet even said it's a good thing we brought her in because she probably wouldn't have made it another night. She was hospitalized over night during the blood transfusion & thank God responded well. All of her levels went back to where they needed to be & she was able to come home. 

We have been going back to the vet everyday to check her red blood cell level. Her level was good for the past 2 days, but unfortunately today's blood test wasn't good and her red blood cell count went back down. Lilly has to have another blood transfusion this evening and I can't stop thinking about her. My poor fur baby. I am trying so hard to stay positive, but it is really hard not to think the worst. Praying she just needs one more blood transfusion and that her body can stop attacking itself and be healthy again! We are currently waiting to receive a phone call from the vet this evening to update us on Lilly. Hopefully everything is going well and we can pick her up in the morning! 

This past week has sure been a tough one and all I want to do is sit and snuggle my baby girls. It was the first time I hated breastfeeding and wanted to quit, but I know I can work through it and do what's best for Harbor. I am worried sick about Lilly and so scared of losing her. I love my babies with all my heart and just can't imagine life without them! I am trying my best to stay positive and do everything possible to keep my girls safe and healthy. I am so thankful to be their mommy!

xo Ashley

Meeting Our Harbor Amelia

I am finally taking/having the time to sit and write about Harbor's birth story.. this has been on my "to do" list for the past 7 weeks! Gosh I can't believe it's already been 7 weeks since she was born!

One of the last pictures I took of my big ole belly!

November 4th

5:30pm Sean had just left for work and I was having some pretty strong contractions. At this point it was almost hard for me to take contractions seriously, because I had gone through this before...contractions are 3 minutes apart, we would drive to the hospital, nurse would say I am at the beginning of labor, get sent home & told to come back once contractions are closer together, but my contractions would stop! Grr. It started to get so frustrating! So this time I didn't really take them seriously. I eventually found myself just pacing the house and realized they were hurting pretty bad so I called Sean and he came home from work. 

7:30pm We went to the hospital & sure enough the nurse said I was at the beginning of labor, 4cm dilated (I had been 3.5-4cm dilated for the past month) and to keep trying to make my contractions stronger. I found that squatting next to the hospital bed (like tree frog style) and resting my arms & head on the bed would make a REALLY strong contraction come every time. So I was squatting, bouncing on the ball, walking and just trying to make these contractions continue. I was admitted and in our room I continued to bring on the contractions for the next couple of hours, but when the nurse checked me to see how dilated I was I was still at 4cm. I once again just felt like it wasn't happening & I wasn't making any progress! I asked if I could just go home and sleep in my own bed so I was given a sleeping pill (to try and help me sleep through these contractions) and was sent home. One of the nurses told us to go ahead and leave our hospital bags in the room and that we would be back. I remember laughing and saying to Sean "She really thinks we're going to be back having this baby!" but in my mind I thought for sure the contractions were going to end soon. So we left our bags anyways.

November 5th

12:30am Once we got home we went back to bed and I had a hard time being able to fall back asleep. Eventually the sleeping pill must have kicked in and I slept. I woke about and hour & a half later in extreme pain. These contractions were hard to breathe through. I woke Sean up and he ran a bath for me. I tried to relax in the bath for awhile, but it got to the point that I knew I needed to get to the hospital. This was the first time that I felt certain I needed to go to the hospital! I remember also feeling like Sean wasn't moving fast enough! He was, but I was in so much pain I was like "let's GO!"  

3:30am When we arrived back at the hospital the nurses were excited to see us! We got back into our room & honestly this is when things start to get a little blurry for me! The nurse checked me and I was 9.5cm dilated. I dilated quickly since she was sitting so low. I was breathing in the entonox and trying different positions during the contractions.   

8:00am The doctor came in to break my water & I continued with strong contractions, but still had no urge to push. I was still trying a bunch of different positions during the contractions and I remember at one point while I was standing with my arms wrapped around Sean's neck the urge to push kicked in fast!

8:30am Again trying different positions to find what worked best for me while pushing.. laying, standing, sitting on the toilet, kneeling on the bed, squatting.. My nurse was so great. She was exactly the kind of nurse I needed. She was direct and told me what I needed to do. We finally found a position that worked for me which was laying on my back, the nurse held out a towel in front of me and told me to grab onto the towel and pull against her while pushing. Fewf.. man that was tough. Sean was absolutely amazing support! He was patting my head with a cold wash cloth, giving me juice and water and counting to 10 with every contraction while I pushed. He was so encouraging even at my weakest moments. Near the end of 4 hours of pushing I remember saying to Sean, "I feel so weak. I just don't know how much longer I can do this," and he told me how great I was doing and that we would be meeting our baby girl soon. Our nurse later told us how great of a team the two of us were. She said she doesn't get emotional during births very often anymore, but she couldn't help herself during this one. She also told Sean how awesome he was and that he could totally be a male doula! Haha! 

12:00pm The doctor came in to explain that the baby needed assistance at this point in order for her to come out. She was too big and pretty much stuck at this point. He explained he was going to use a vacuum device to help pull baby out while I pushed. (At this point I don't even think I fully listened to what he was saying because all I could think about was to just please get this baby out quickly & safely!) He did explain though that a flexible, rounded cup would be applied to baby's head, the cup was connected to a small handheld pump that creates a vacuum pressure to hold the cup securely to baby's head. The doctor also explained if the cup releases from baby's head it can only be reattached 2 more times and can only be connected to baby's head for a total of 30 minutes. If baby was unable to come out with the vacuum or within 30 minutes we would need to do an emergency c-section. I had to have a catheter to empty my bladder and an episiotomy to make more room for baby. Pushing with everything I had and thinking of being so close to being able to hold her made me get through it. 

12:34pm It came down to the last seconds and the nurse was literally counting down for the doctor, but thankfully our baby girl made her way into the world just in time! The first thing that was said when she came out by our nurse was, "She's NOT small!" haha! They laid her onto my chest and I was just filled with so much emotion and joy. She's here. This is our baby girl. Thank you God. To hear her sweet cry and see her precious face was all worth it. 

Harbor Amelia Murphy

9 pounds 6 ounces

What really amazed me was that just minutes after she came into the world she latched to feed and she knew exactly what to do. In that exact moment I fell in love with breastfeeding and loved that special moment together. I traced my finger along her little ear while she would feed and my heart felt so happy and proud. (I now trace her little ear with my finger every time she feeds and she likes it) 

I did end up with a 3rd degree tear and lots of stitches which was extremely painful. I will be honest, that was one of my biggest fears was to tear, but with such a big baby there really was no way around it! 

It was difficult because I was pretty much on bedrest after labor. I had to lay on my side in bed and turn side to side to feed, but getting out of bed and doing pretty much everything else was painful. I got emotional a few times because I wanted to be able to change her diaper, walk around with her and go comfort her like mom's are suppose to. I just wanted to heal and not be in pain anymore and be able to put all of my focus on Harbor. I had no idea the healing process would take so long. I am now starting to feel fully healed at 7 weeks. I would do it all over again if I had to though! I love my sweet Harbor Amelia so so much and feel so blessed to be her mommy.

xo Ashley

A Leap of Faith

Today marks exactly a year and a half since our wedding day! I felt like doing a post reminiscing back on our special day & everything it took to get to it!

A little flash back before the big day...

Sean and I met in Cancun, Mexico on vacation in March 2009. He was the first Canadian I had met &   we talked the night away on the beach about our different worlds. We instantly clicked. We only had 2 short days together in Mexico, but exchanged numbers and said we would keep in touch. Little did we know, that spring break trip was going to change our lives.

We went back to our daily lives and talked every single day with texting, Skyping, talking on the phone and through Facebook. I remember sometimes feeling like I didn't understand WHY exactly I felt SO drawn to someone that I barely knew... He lives in Canada for crying out loud! We had something special though and I couldn't let that go. (Funny fact, when we met I was currently living in a city called Little Canada in Minnesota. A little foreshadowing?)

First trip to Canada (I look so young!)

Before dropping me off at the airport from my first trip up to visit Sean

We did long distance for a year and a half, had a few trips to visit each other & finally had the discussion about what exactly we were going to do if we continued our relationship. I'll be honest, I never thought about moving to Canada. Ever. But I was 19, young and didn't exactly know what or where I wanted to go in life. Sean was starting his career, more settled where he was living at the time and I guess it just seemed right. I'll never forget telling my mom that I was going to start looking into moving to Canada. The look on her face and the long pause. She wasn't exactly happy. I mean what mom would be happy to hear that her 19 year old daughter is moving to a different country to be with a guy that she barely knew?? My mom told me something really interesting though. Her mom, so my grandma, actually loved Canada. One of her favorite places in the world was Vancouver. (My grandma passed away when I was 1 years old so I never got to know her.) My mom also told me that in my grandma's casket there were maple leaves printed all over. I remember it gave me goosebumps.  I believe hearing my mom talk about my grandma and her connection with Canada helped make my decision. Even till this day I know my grandma is the reason I met Sean and guided me to make the big, difficult & unsure move to Canada to be with him. 

Sean's first trip to Minnesota

Seems like so long ago..

Flying back to Canada for another trip

Moving to Canada wasn't easy. It was a complete leap of faith. I left my family, friends and everything I knew to come to a small town in northern British Columbia. Besides going through frequent lonely and homesick moments I was going through a lot of stress with applying for Canadian residency. (This is a whole other subject/post I could write about! Uh.) There were many moments of feeling like everything was against us being together. 

So after 2.5 years of living in Canada as a visitor so I could live with Sean, working on a work permit, filling out endless paper work, collecting every photo that we had together for proof & asking friends and family to sign a form starting they were aware of our relationship... I FINALLY received my Canadian residency! I'll be honest and say that wasn't an easy time for our relationship. We had to stay strong & stay focused on WHY we were going through everything. To be together. I think some couples wouldn't have been able to make it. It was a very long, draining, made you question yourself and stressful process! But we did it and I really believe it made us closer. To receive my residency made me feel like for the FIRST time I could breathe & know that I can stay in Canada and be with Sean. Everything we had worked for was worth it!

My approved application!!

After I walked across the border into Canada and received my Canadian residency! I can't even explain in words how I felt on this day. 

May 1st, 2014

Our wedding day of course was a special day and meant the world to me, but I felt it symbolized more than becoming man & wife. For me it also felt like a celebration day of "we did it". After some days of feeling like everything was against our relationship & us being together this was the day all of that went away. We had been through quite a rollercoaster ride and now here we are standing back in Mexico on the beach exchanging vows. 

For my "something blue" I had a piece of material from my grandma's dress that she wore to my mom's wedding sown into my dress

 

To have our family and friends together for the first time was amazing! With everyone living so far away from each other we knew this wasn't going to happen very often, so we definitely appreciated it and took in the special moment!

 It was the best day of my life so far... soon with the birth of our baby girl I know I will be experiencing an even MORE best day of my life! I couldn't be happier and feel more blessed to be married to my best friend every single day. 

You just never know where life will take you.

xo Ashley