Sailor's Birth Story

During my 3rd trimester I would always get really strong Braxton Hicks like clock work starting around 5pm. All through dinner, kids bedtime routine and when I would lay in bed they would be really strong! However, on the morning of Monday, July 29th I had them right when I woke up in the morning.

I had mentioned to Sean that I had some really strong Braxton Hicks going on while we were feeding the kids breakfast and getting Harbor ready for school. He even said, "Huh really? You usually just have them at night." Sean brought Harbor to school that morning and then he headed to his carpet jobs for the day. It was a really nice, warm, sunny day so Cove and I spent most of our morning and afternoon in the backyard. I just felt SO tired and didn't feel hungry. I tried to lay down and relax outside while Cove played (HA like that's even possible taking care of a toddler!)

I put Cove down for his nap at around 1pm and I figured I should try to lay down and take a nap too since I really wasn't feeling 100% (I never nap but so glad I did!).  I dozed off on the couch and woke up to Harbor's daycare teacher calling me at about 2pm. She called me to tell me that Harbor wasn't feeling well and was throwing up at school :( I told her I would be there right away to pick her up. My poor Harbor. So I had to go wake Cove up from his nap (he is a cranky boy when he gets up from his naps, so I knew this was going to be fun) and hurried to get him into the van. While driving to Harbor's daycare the contractions were STRONG. I remember sitting at a red light and having to clench the steering wheel while another contraction came on. Okay, am I in labor? I started to watch the clock and sure enough they were coming around every 3-4 minutes. I called my mom and sister during the drive just to let them know what I was feeling and both of them were saying, "Ash call Sean!" It was almost as though I was in denial. I just couldn't wrap my mind around being in labor at that moment! I had to go pick up Harbor and make sure she was okay!

While I was walking into Harbor's daycare I had a contraction so strong that it stopped me in my tracks and I had to breathe through it. I picked up Harbor (poor girl just didn't look like she was feeling well at all) and I started heading home. I texted Sean saying that I was getting constant contractions and that he needed to come home. So now I had 2 crying toddlers in the van while driving home with painful contractions. Cove was crying because he was cranky from being woken up and Harbor was crying because she didn't want to leave school and she kept telling me she wanted "Bubbly" (sparkling water). I don't know why exactly, but I just pulled over to a gas station that was right on the corner and told the kids OKAY I will get you some bubbly! (again I think I was in denial and just wanted the kids to stop crying and I was a little bit in panic mode!) I literally thought my water was going to break while standing in line to check out. O.M.G these contractions are REAL.

Once we got home Cove wanted to be carried inside and Harbor was throwing up onto the floor as soon as we walked into the door. It was pretty chaotic. I just wanted Sean to get home!! I headed upstairs with the kids to put Harbor into the bath and then thank goodness Sean came through the door and took over. I went into our room and started a bath for myself to labor in. Sean told me that he called his parents to let them know that I was in labor and to start driving to Kelowna! (Sean's parents were at the family cabin which is 6 hours away and they were on standby for if I went into labor before my sister flew into town to be with Harbor and Cove!) I felt SUCH a relief when Sean told me that his parents were on their way to Kelowna and would be here in 6 hours!

Sean called one of our babysitters to ask if she could head over, but she didn't answer. He called the other babysitter and she didn't answer! I started to panic a bit. THIS was the exact scenario I had nightmares about!! I was so stressed out about when the moment came that I went into labor that we wouldn't be able to find someone to watch the kids! Sean stayed calm and I freaked out a bit and said to please call his aunt! Thank goodness Sean's aunt just happened to get off work and said that she could head over right away. One of our babysitters ended up calling us back soon after and said that she could head over right away as well. Phew. So in the end we had help on the way with the kids until Sean's parents arrived.

Then Sean called the midwife and she was going to be right over to check me. The midwife arrived and said I was between 3-4cm dilated and to go ahead and meet her at the hospital!

While saying goodbye to Harbor and Cove I could feel the emotions coming over me. I just felt like I didn't want to leave them. Especially with Harbor not feeling well it broke my heart to have to leave her. I deep down knew she would be okay though and was in good hands. Saying goodbye to your babies when the time comes to head to the hospital to bring a new baby into the world is just a very emotional moment.

(had to stop to breathe through a contraction while walking into the hospital)

We met my midwife in a labor + delivery room and it all just seemed so surreal. I always thought I would go into labor in the middle of the night like I did with my other two, not in the middle of the day! It was calm and bright in the room. I just wanted to stay relaxed. I changed into my robe, Sean turned on my music playlist and I labored in different positions. I had a lot of back labor and intense pain in my tailbone area. It was very painful to lay on the bed so I felt like sitting on the ball or being on my knees and hugging the back of the hospital bed felt best.

I had asked my midwife if I could start to use the laughing gas and of course she said yes. I really find this helps relax me a bit. It sure doesn't take the pain away, but it helps me focus on my deep breathing. She asked me what my thoughts were for an epidural. We had talked about this during my prenatal check ups that I wasn't opposed to getting an epidural, but that I wasn't 100% wanting one. I didn't have an epidural with Harbor or Cove, but they were both very long, difficult deliveries and both ended up having to be vacuumed out while I pushed. This time around I wanted a different experience. Now, I know NO delivery is easy and painless, but I just wanted this delivery to be more enjoyable?? I know that sounds kind of weird, but I truly just wanted to be able to enjoy the birthing process and not be in so much pain. Sean has always encouraged me to get an epidural. He made good points about how IF baby #3 got stuck and needed to be vacuumed out then it would be a good thing that I had an epidural. I guess in my mind I just thought I have done it twice now, I can do it again. However, I kept reminding myself how badly I wanted this to be a different experience so I said yes to trying the epidural.

(he's amazing support during labor & delivery)

I was so nervous.. I hate needles. I really tried not to think about the fact that a needle was getting put into my spine. It wasn't too bad though. Felt like a bee sting. I did it. It was over. Now PLEASE kick in and let me feel some relief!

After the epidural my midwife broke my water (my water has never broke on it's own during labor) and then I instantly felt the urge to push. My midwife explained to me there was meconium when she broke my water so would need the pediatrician in the room when baby is born. I knew this was common, but since I never experienced having meconium with my first two, I felt kind of nervous. I continued laboring on the ball and with every contraction I could feel baby girl getting lower and lower.

I started pushing while laying back in the hospital bed, tried to focus on the music playing in the background to relax and listened to my husband and midwife's encouragement. I couldn't continue breathing in the laughing gas once I started pushing (dang it) and I honestly was just waiting for the epidural to kick in because I could feel EVERYTHING still. I remember a nurse walking past my bed saying something about "Oh gosh need to start this".. and I am pretty sure it was the epidural. I don't know how giving the epidural meds work, buuuut I am pretty sure I just got the initial dosage and then it was just too late once they gave me the actual meds?! I'm sure I am not wording that correctly! But I gave birth to 2 babes with no epidural and know how it feels and this felt the exact same. Worst pain EVER.

I pushed for 30 MINUTES and baby girl was born! Sean was able to catch and help bring baby girl into the world. He has always wanted to do that, but with Harbor and Cove needing to be vacuumed out he wasn't able to. I think it's so amazing how involved Sean wanted to be with baby girl's delivery and literally helped pull her out when she was born. Sean placed baby girl onto my chest and that surreal, feeling of relief and joy came over me. She's here! The pediatrician came over to look at her right away and before I knew it she was taking her away. She needed to take a closer look at baby and brought her to the NICU. I felt so scared. I barely even got a glimpse of her! Is she okay?! Sean went to the NICU with baby and said he would come back to give me an update.

(We taped my labor + delivery with our GoPro. I'm so glad we taped all the kid's births so we can watch them!)

My midwife was so empowering. She kept saying, "YOU did it! YOU did that! 30 minutes of pushing! No vacuum needed!" I loved her. She's exactly who I needed during that delivery.

I'll never forget feeling a LOT of pain down there and asking my midwife if I tore :( I was scared to hear her answer. I could just feel where it was. She explained that I did, however it was just a first degree tear and shouldn't need a ton of stitches. Thank goodness! So while I was getting stitched up I had asked if I could breathe in the laughing gas again (clearly I wasn't feeling any relief from the epidural) so I tried to just focus on my breathing while that was going on. All I could think about was how baby girl was doing. 

Sean popped back into the room to let me know that baby girl was okay and doing well! He said that she had swallowed some meconium so the pediatrician needed to suction it out of baby and her oxygen levels were lower than they should have been so she was given oxygen, but was breathing fine now and will be back in my arms soon! Thank God!

Once baby was back in my arms I was so in love. I felt so thankful. She was perfect. A new place in my heart was filled.

We were moved to a postpartum room shortly after. While being wheeled to the new room the nurses rang the "new baby" charm that rang over the speakers and the bridge outside lit up pink! I think that's so sweet that they do that when a baby is born.

We were in the hospital for a quick 24 hours and then headed home! Sean and I were so excited for Sailor to meet her big sister and brother at home!

Sailor Rae Murphy thank you for choosing me to be your mama.
I love you more than you'll ever know.

xo

Harbor Amelia Part 1

This is going to be a post that I have been wanting to write for a very long time now. I enjoy blogging and sharing my life with others. I think social media and blogging are an absolutely amazing thing. It allows us to be able to connect with people from all over the world. It allows us to read about others going through a situation in life and know that we are not alone. I follow so many amazing bloggers who I connect with in so many ways and it allows me to learn things from them and communicate with someone who might be going through the same things in life. And my life are my kids. So in order to share my life story with you I want to share about my babies.

So this post is all about my babydoll, Harbor Amelia.

Harbor turned 3 years old on November 5th, 2018.

She is always full of energy. She wakes up and hits the ground running!

She gives the BEST hugs in the world. Big tight hugs.

She is very smart and remembers every little detail.

She loves music.

She loves watching her favorite movie or show snuggled on the couch with a blanket.

She loves to color, play with play-doh, play peek-a-boo and looking out the car window to point out horses.

She loves running up and down the hallway with her baby brother while laughing and giggling.

She loves to pick out what she wears for the day. Her favorite are pretty dresses.

She loves to go swimming. She is a really good swimmer!

She loves going to parks and going down the biggest slide.

She loves to help cook. She's going to be an amazing cook like her Dada.

I really could go on and on about all of the amazing things about my little girl.

Harbor is a very bright, intelligent, kind, fun little girl.

Harbor is my world and in the past 3 years she has taught me more than I would have even expected a child could teach a mother. She has made me think differently. View things in different ways. And has taught me to be more patient and not judge. 

On September 6th, 2018 Harbor received an Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis.

Let me go back a bit and share our journey with you as the days lead up to her assessment on September 6th.

I would like everyone to know why I feel the need to share this post.

When we were in beginning stage of wondering, having a gut feeling but wasn't sure what it was, didn't know who to talk to, didn't know what the next step would be, didn't know how to feel about everything... I had no one to talk to. I had no one to ask questions and just felt lost. I am writing this because I want to be open and share my experience with having a child diagnosed with Autism. I want other moms to feel comfortable to reach out to me whether it be to ask questions, chat or vent.

My other reason for sharing this post is because I want people to understand Harbor. Understand the person that she is. There is nothing to be ashamed of and no reason to hold anything back. If I can help bring awareness about Autism to others with this post than I feel like I have done a bit of my job as a mother. 

I had a "normal" pregnancy with Harbor. I did go into preterm labor at 36 weeks, but the labor was able to be stopped and I ended up delivery Harbor 2 days after my due date on November 5th, 2015.

My labor and delivery was a VERY long, painful and difficult one, (you can read more about Harbor's birth HERE) but she was born healthy! 9lb 6oz perfect baby girl.

Harbor was developing and hitting milestones like any other "typical" child. She started walking at 9 months old (pretty much went straight to running). She was a great eater. I remember when we would go out for dinner with her we would order her plain chicken breasts because she loved it so much! She was always off the charts for both height and weight. She was a great sleeper. She started sleeping through the night around 4 months old.

Harbor has always been very busy. Just always on the go. Non stop. We had her in swimming lessons at 4 months old, gymnastics at 9 months old and music class at 1 years old. She just has always liked to keep busy!

She said her first word (dada) around 6 months old and started to say more words. We never felt worried or concerned. At Harbor's 15 month doctor check up (or sometime close to that age) I remember the doctor asking if she could say between 5-10 words and we said no. I didn't feel worried though. I always would say, "I think she's just too busy to focus on talking!"

It wasn't until Harbor was around 18 months old that Sean and I saw some red flags and felt concerned. Harbor at one point was saying multiple words. Hi, bye, mama, dada, rocks, more, there.. but then she stopped saying them. She at one point was waving, pointing and dancing.. but then she stopped doing them. The doctor said that she would like to keep an eye on Harbor's speech and to also do a hearing test. I knew Harbor didn't have any issues with hearing, but I knew we needed to take the hearing test to rule things out. She passed. We put Harbor on the waitlist for Speech Therapy. The waitlist in the small town we were living in at the time was over a year and a half wait time! It was insane.

I knew deep down in my gut I needed to start looking into everything more. I saw a regression in Harbor and I didn't want to wait to see our doctor in a month for her to tell us that Harbor should be saying more words by then. Now, I KNOW Google can be bad. I KNOW there are just some things you shouldn't Google, but I Googled non stop. I remember putting the kids to sleep and then sitting in bed Googling until 3am. I started to read more and more articles and links that just clicked with me and made me think, "Yes, that's Harbor. Yes, Harbor does that." I remember reading about Autism and thinking to myself, "Well no. She isn't autistic." I really just thought she had ADHD. But I kept digging. I came across a YouTube video that a mom posted about her son's Autism diagnosis and I remember just bawling my eyes out watching it. I just felt like her son and Harbor had a lot of things in common.  I felt so scared. Reading the "signs of Autism" made my eyes water and my mind race. I had no clue. I will be completely honest with you. I didn't even know what Autism was. I knew it was a disorder. I had seen the commercials for "Autism Speaks", but I didn't know what it was. It felt as though in one of my nights of doing digging, Autism hit me square in the face. The word Autism meant something completely different to me. It had become my new focus in life. It was now my focus to find the answers for my daughter and IF Autism was indeed what she had.

We had another doctors appointment for Harbor's 2 year check up (November 2017) and I knew going into the appointment that she was going to ask if Harbor was saying anymore words and we would say no. I dreaded it. It made me feel nervous and a bit of a failure as a parent. We discussed looking into everything further with Harbor and I requested to see a pediatrician in Vancouver. Later that week our doctor called us to tell us Harbor's bloodwork came back normal and I remember telling her on the phone that I have been doing a lot of research about Autism and that I was very scared that is what we are looking at for Harbor. I will never forget what her response was. She said, "Ashley, that was one of my concerns as well. I think you should talk the pediatrician about your concerns and about why you feel as though Autism is what you are concerned about. Ashley, Harbor is a beautiful healthy little girl. She is going to be just fine." I cried my eyes out. I could barely catch my breath talking to her.

That night after Sean and I put the kids to bed we had a deep conversation. I told him everything I had read about Autism (he knew I had been researching like crazy), and about why I felt as though it is what she had. We also talked about why we DIDN'T think she was autistic. We paced our room, sat on the bed, held each other and cried, worried about the future together, talked about what we feared for Harbor and barely slept that night. It was almost as though we grieved that night. The next day wasn't any easier. I would break down crying randomly and just felt so scared. It was as though we were having to come to terms with the diagnosis before she even received the diagnosis.

We had our first pediatrician appointment in Vancouver in the beginning of February 2018. We flew to Vancouver for the day with the kids (very early morning and a very late night). Sean and I had wrote out a list of our concerns for Harbor. We knew that during the appointment we might miss something so we wanted to make sure and write everything down ahead of time. During the appointment we were in a tiny little doctors office and Harbor (and Cove) played with toys as we talked with the pediatrician. I remember just feeling nervous. Like it was a test and I wanted to pass it SO bad. We went over everything; our concerns, what Harbor can do, what she can't do, her now picky eating habits, her regression she had, her bowel movements, our family history and what the next step was. I told the pediatrician about all of my researching and that we were concerned Harbor had Autism. I'll never forget her response. She looked me in the eyes and said, "I think you are right. I think that is what we are looking at." My heart just sunk. That was the first time a doctor (or anyone in that matter) looked me in the eyes and agreed with me that she thinks that Harbor falls on the spectrum for Autism. My eyes filled with tears and honestly what she said after that was a blur. Sean and I had SO many questions. It was like the door opened and everything came flooding in. She gave us a lot of information and explained the next step of Harbor having an Autism assessment. Sean and I got back into the car after the appointment and we were speechless. Just so much running through our minds. It was almost as though I knew this was how the appointment was going to go, but didn't want it to.

The next few weeks after the pediatrician appointment I made a lot of phone calls. We placed Harbor on the waitlist for the Autism Assessment (in British Columbia it is covered by the government which comes with a big wait list OR you can pay thousands of dollars to do a private assessment. If a child is under the age of 3 the child can get bumped more to the top of the list).

We waited. And waited. And the time passing killed me. During this time of waiting Sean received the phone call we had been waiting for about his job. He was received a long waited position on the Kelowna Fire Department and we were thrilled! Now we had to put our house up for sale and get ready for a big move to southern BC. Once I knew that we would be moving to Kelowna soon I started to call and email places and specialists in Kelowna to get things started. I reached out to the facility where Harbor would be having her assessment and speech therapists. I also started looking into daycares in Kelowna. We wanted Harbor to go to daycare so she could play with other kids, interact and was hoping it would help her speech delay.

Fast forward a couple months and we moved to Kelowna the end of March 2018. I stopped into the facility where Harbor would have her assessment to see if there was ANYTHING I could do to get an assessment date for her. Nope, she was just still on the waitlist. I started to call every week and ask if they could please put her on a cancellation list. (they probably rolled their eyes when I said my name) JUST in case someone cancelled and I could bring her in. I asked if I could get her paperwork now and get it filled out early. I just wanted to do everything I could to get the ball rolling. I spoke with a lady at a private assessment facility and she was so nice and explained to me that honestly, I should wait for the government paid assessment. She explained that at this point even if we paid for a private assessment they were booking a few months out. I was glad we listened to her and waited because a couple weeks later I received a phone call from the government paid assessment facility and they said, "We have an assessment date booked for Harbor. September 6th at 10am." I was THRILLED. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. This was a step in the right direction.

During the months leading up to September 6th Harbor started seeing a private speech therapist. $130 an hour, but it was worth it. She needed to be in speech therapy. She was down to saying zero words. Time is passing and my daughter needed the support.

The night before Harbor's assessment I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing. I was so nervous. It was a bitter sweet feeling though. This was the day we had been waiting for. I was ready for it, but at the same time I wasn't. I was nervous and anxious about how the assessment would go. I was nervous if Harbor would get too freaked out in their office (doctor/business offices freak her out and can make her spin into a meltdown). I was nervous they wouldn't get to see the real Harbor and everything she is capable of and not be able to do an accurate assessment. Sean and I had SO much running through our minds. This was a big day for Harbor and her future.. 

to be continued.

Weekend Trip to Kelowna

My husband and I went on a road trip last weekend to Kelowna! I have only been to Kelowna maybe 3 or 4 times, but I think its just an awesome city. Plus it has a Target & Pier 1 Imports! (miss having these stores!) The drive was 12 hours there and 12 hours back (12 hours non stop). Sean and I have done so many road trips together. I honestly think we are just used to it now. We leave early, make a stop at Tim Hortons and hit the road. Lilly absolutely loves car rides. She sleeps almost the whole entire drive! She really only wakes up for when we stop to grab lunch and stretch our legs. Sean has family living in Kelowna so it was really nice to visit with Grandma Murphy and his aunt & uncle. With living in a small town the last 4 years it is just nice to get out of Fort St John and go see/do things we can't in FSJ. Things I miss from living in a city! My MUST do in Kelowna was to go shopping, walk around downtown and go out to eat at restaurants! Oh and get pumpkins! There is one pumpkin patch in FSJ and we went the other weekend and it was sold out! Not a single pumpkin left. I couldn't believe it. So I told Sean we had to go to a pumpkin patch in Kelowna. 

Okanagan Lake

Lilly is a total beach dog!

{Wearing the Classic Polka Dot Top from AshleyKae Boutique}

We went to McMillan Farms in Kelowna. It was such a cute place! Other than a pumpkin patch they had farm animals, a corn maze, hay rides and other activities for kids.

I was completely in my happy place at Pier 1 Imports and absolutely love shopping for Christmas decor! I can't wait to put up the Christmas decor in our house!

I love how downtown Kelowna is right along the water. It's so nice to walk along the lake at night and go to different shops and bars. We went out for dinner one night at RauDZ Regional Table and wow was it amazing! We had never been there before and had heard great things about it so we wanted to check it out. 

I had the Cheese Burger and it was one of the best burgers I have ever had!

Sean had the Lamb Special and every bite he was saying how good it was!

It is pretty neat how the restaurant buys from local farms and you could definitely taste it! Their local wine list was great as well. If you haven't beed to RauDZ before you have to go.

A pretty rainbow on the morning we were going to start our drive back to Fort St John.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! 

xo Ashley